


Best Birthday Ever

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Erotica, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Frottage, Heterosexual Sex, Masturbation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Post-War, Rimming, The Quidditch Pitch: Erotic Couplings, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-31
Updated: 2008-12-30
Packaged: 2018-10-27 13:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10810170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: It's Ron's birthday.  Hermione gives him a present better than any homework planner in the world.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

 

<em>“Shwhatd’mione g’tfyou brtday?”</em>  
  
That’s Harry, my best mate in the whole world. Technically, he’s also my wife Hermione’s, best mate. But we’re boys, Harry and I, so our bond’s kind of tighter. Harry. He’s an okay bloke especially now that Voldemort’s dead, yeah I can say his name now. He’s very loyal, Harry, not Voldemort.  Really, the best mate anyone could ask for. But I’m getting ahead of myself here. I believe piss drunk Harry was asking me something.  
  
“Are you sure you really want to know?” I say this with a laugh because… well I like laughing. And although I’m not drunk, I’ve already had a few pints of ale. And the story of my 25th birthday—really, bloody funny, if you ask me.  
  
Harry grimaces. “You'n‘mione shag? Mate… next shtowy.”  
  
What a lightweight. “Come on, mate! If I can’t tell you a few dirty stories about me and Hermione, then who can I tell?!”  
  
“Sumdy else, mate,” Harry says with a sluggish shake of his head, “sumdy else.”   
  
\--  
  
You? You want to know what Hermione got me for my birthday? I suppose you’ve got nothing else to do.  Promise not to sell the story to the Prophet, yeah?  Never know what Muggles like you read anymore! That damn rag’s still at it with the hero worship! And it’s not only Harry now; they’re after me and Hermione, too! I thought I’d like it, the fame, notoriety, but it did get tiring. The famous thing.  
  
Oh, my story! Yeah, better get to it then. Harry looks pretty comfy passed out, anyway. I’ll just tell you the short of it, then drag this bloke back to Malfoy’s. Can you believe Harry’s still seeing that poncy, pointy git? I can’t believe it either! I mean, it’s okay that Harry’s a poofter as long as he doesn’t go after me, that’s what I told him. But Malfoy? Is there no one else in the world?  
  
Okay, okay! I’ll get to it! Damn, you’re demanding.  
  
\--  
  
So it’s my 25th birthday yesterday and well, I woke up to a spec-fucking-tacular blowjob courtesy of my wife Hermione. No that’s not the whole story, wanker! And it’s not lame! A blowjob from Hermione is never lame! Would you let me finish my story?  
  
My darling wife, she lets me come in her mouth, so she can swallow all of it down. Sweet girl… Yeah. I would have shagged her after that blow, yes I can get it up that fast, but we’d woken up late and I only had about 15 minutes to get to Auror HQ, so we just snogged a bit and I left her at home.   
  
It’s like the Muggle police, that's where I—stop asking questions if you want me to finish!  
  
So I went through the day… blah blah blah. I really wanted to get home because Hermione promised me a surprise. I love surprises, especially from that smart and sexy witch. I was thinking maybe she got a new pair of knickers. Or maybe that nurse’s costume we wanted to play with. What I got home to was a bazillion times better.  
  
Yeah, so I Apparate into our flat and head straight to the bedroom. I knew she’d be there, of course, if it were you where would you look first? Wanker.  
  
So. I was expecting maybe she’d tied herself up. Or maybe the uniform, yeah?  
  
I wasn’t expecting to see her snogging another woman.  
  
My sweet, darling, naked, Hermione was kneeling on the bed, lip-locked with another naked woman. Hermione’s hands were on the woman’s waist, and the other woman had one of hers on Hermione’s bum and the other in her hair. Pretty conservative, yeah? Pfft. If they had clothes on.  
  
Fuck did my cock harden even more at the sight. Their nipples were rubbing! Their. Nipples. Were. Rubbing. I might have groaned at the sight, because Hermione broke the kiss and looked over at me.  
  
“Hi, Ron. I’m sorry we started without you.”  
  
Bloody hell. At that time I wouldn’t have minded if they ended without me, as long as I got to look.  
  
What does my wife look like? You perv! Well, if you must know, my wife’s all vixen, she is. Perfect tits, mate. Just the right size for these mitts, and nipples made for licking and sucking. Her legs? Perfect fit around my waist when I’m fucking her. Right snug, those.  
  
Brown eyes that could read my mind, it’s scary. Wild bushy hair. I love running my fingers through that mess. She hates it, wants to have it straightened, really. I told her she better not or her fit bum would receive serious spanking from me. I don’t think that was much of a threat, right?  
  
The other girl? Oh yeah, better get on with the story. Well, it turns out the other girl was the bint Parkinson.  
  
You don’t kn—of course you don’t know Parkinson! You’re a lucky Muggle, then. Pansy Parkinson’s this prickly bitch we went to school with. Short black hair, blue eyes. Pug nose, man. Pug nose. But, great pair of knockers on that one. Large-ish, but not droopy.   
  
Right about the time I realized it was Parkinson snogging my wife, the bint laughed at me. Do I like what I see, she asked. How did she expect me to answer that?  
  
I really don’t remember if my cock still liked the idea of—well, my cock was really confused. It was hard, really, rock hard. Y’know what I mean, when it gets so hard it’s like fucking steel? But, this is Parkinson we were talking about.  
  
Fortunately, my darling wife made the decision for me and my cock.  
  
“Take of your clothes, Ronald.”  
  
So I did. As fast as I could, actually.  
  
Parkinson went back to snogging my wife, the gall of that woman. But I really wasn’t that mad because I was naked and my trousers weren’t cramping my cock and their nipples were rubbing again. Man. That’s what magic should be about.   
  
I grabbed my cock and proceeded to have the best wank of my life. Real life girl on girl action. What more could a bloke ask for? By then I was thanking Merlin and all other gods, yeah I thank Merlin, shut up, that I had this brilliant woman for a wife and that she didn’t get me another homework planner especially since we’re not in school anymore. I was happy to wank myself to the sight of rubbing nipples and snogging women.  
  
But my wife had another idea.  
  
“The bed’s big enough for three, babe. Why don’t you join us?”  
  To be continued)  



	2. Chapter 2

  
Author's notes: Wherein Ron gets intimate with Parkinson's tongue stud  


* * *

 

You’ve got to know this about my wife to understand the whole story.  Hermione, she’s a bit of a prude really.  She was the top in our class, the teacher’s favorite, the brightest witch in our generation blah blah blah… you could just imagine.  She gave Harry and I all sorts of hell about listening in class and doing our homework and not breaking rules.  Man how she’d natter on and on and on.  But her nagging made me hot, actually.  I s’pose I’m weird as well. 

 

We were best mates and then she was my girl but it took us a long time to finally do the deed.  I didn’t understand what the delay was, really.  When I did get her in bed, she told me she wanted to do it in the dark, under the piles of blankets!  I said, whoa, I really, really want to see you, and she said no she was shy and afraid that I’d think she was ugly.  So that was what she was afraid of, eh, so I tossed out all of the blankets, to her squeals of protest, and proceeded to worship her body and show her just how attractive she was to me.

 

So she still has these hang ups most of the time, and is pretty resistant when I want to try something new.  She really isn’t the sexual daredevil between the two of us… but when she gets into it, she gets into it with the vigor of the thoroughly anal.  I remember that one time when I first spanked her arse—

 

Oh yeah, my birthday.  Hang on, let me get another pint first. ‘scuse, Mister Barman, another pint of what I was drinkin’ please?

 

Okay.  Where was I?  Ahh.  My wife asked me into bed and I was like ‘it gets better?’  But I really didn’t want to ask more questions because someone might change their mind.  

 

Of course I was bloody well excited!  Are you kidding me?  Yeah, even if it was Parkinson!  That bint’s hot, after all, just, she should just shut her trap, y’know?

 

\--

 

“Hi Ron.  Have I told you Happy Birthday?”  My wife greeted me as if we weren’t naked on the bed with another girl.  Or as if we did this kind of thing everyday. So I attacked her lips with mine and brought one of my hands to play with a breast.  After all, how best could a bloke express appreciation for this kind of gift?

 

Parkinson?  You’re asking about her? Y’seem a bit interested in her, mate.  D’you like your women vicious?  Maybe you like being given a hard time, Parkinson would be perfect for you!  Oh, that what you mean, eh.  No, I wasn’t touching her until someone expressly told me I wouldn’t get maimed for that.

 

So I was snogging my wife and loving it, when Parkinson laughed one of her trademark evil laughs.

 

“Granger,” she said with the sneer she was practically born with, “is your husband even interested in what you were planning to do? He looks pretty comfy attacking you like that.  Maybe I should—”

 

Hermione freed herself from my grasp. “No. Stay, Pansy.” Oh, so my wife called her fellow Unspeakable by her first name.  Then, Hermione, she pushed me down on the bed and looked back at Parkinson.  “Rules?”

 

“We’ll make it up as we go along.”

 

I felt really weird that time.  I didn’t know what they were planning, but I was sure that it was going to be good judging from all the nipple rubbing in the past five minutes.  But it was Parkinson and this might just be a sinister plot to get near my bits and hex them off.

 

Hermione, she started nibbling my neck and playing with my nipples, and man did my cock harden even more.  You see, that’s what my wife does before she gives me a spectacular suck, and I’m all for her sucking my soul through my prick, even with Parkinson watching.

 

“Weasley, I’m going to touch you now.  No kicking, please,” said Parkinson who was sitting somewhere near my feet.  I felt fingers trailing up my legs, playing with the hair over there, and the feeling was really enjoyable coupled with the sensations from having your neck licked and bitten, and your nipples pinched.  Two sets of hands touching you’ll get you really excited.

 

“Your hair really is red everywhere,” Parkinson chuckled.

 

“Shut up, Parkinson,” I said with a moan since my wife was now licking and nipping at my nipples.  I love it when she does that.

 

“Maybe you should be nicer to me, Weasley, especially when I’m holding these.”  Her hands moved to stroke and cup my bollocks. My hips jerked at that.

 

“Play nice, Pansy.” I love my wife.  Who, at that time, was already licking near my navel.  I’m a big boy, you know, so that means her mouth was beside my cock already.

 

You wanker, of course I’m not lying to you! You want me to show you my gigantic prick you tosser?

 

No, I’m not a poof!  That’s Harry over there!  You want to hear the story or you want me to kick your arse?

 

I’m not touchy.  I’m just telling the truth.

 

Okay, so yeah.  My wife, she’s tounging my cock’s head, just the way I like it.  Of course if feels fantastic.  And then she’s sucking on the head, which always, always makes me groan.  Her mouth is warm and wet and is just made for driving me crazy.  She takes in a bit more of me and sucks and swirls her tongue, and that’s when I almost shoot my load.

 

Because.  Shut up, I don’t have that problem.  I almost shoot my load because I feel another tongue licking my balls.  And fuck.  The tongue feels spectacular swirling around my bollocks, even if—because of—this thing protruding from the muscle.  Sweet Mother of Merlin, Parkinson literally has a pierced tongue.

 

I think all I could say at this point was “aaahhh, fuck me!”  My hands were clutching the duvet for dear life, and my eyes were closed so tight I could feel my eyeballs.  But it felt great and I really wasn’t going to start complaining.

 

Two mouths on my cock.  One sucking at the head, tongue swirling at the sensitive part that meets the shaft.  The other mouth’s licking and sucking at my bollocks.  I must have done something really grand to deserve this.

 

It just went on and on like that you know.  Hermione even used a bit of teeth, just the way I like it.  I was trying to hold on, trying to make it last longer but that blasted stud was making it hard.  Have you ever been sucked by someone with a pierced tongue?  You should try it, mate.  Have you ever been sucked by two women at once?  No?!  You’re a loser, then.  Haha. Just joking.

 

Did it feel good?  Did it feel good!  It was bloody amazing!

 

“Granger.  Your husband looks like he’s about to explode,” Parkinson said, as clearly as she could while tonguing my shaft.

 

“He’s going to come any time soon.”  Hermione, bless her, was stroking my nipples while she suckled my prick’s head.

 

“You’re going to let it end right now?”

 

“Don’t worry about Ronald, he can go at it again.”  I swelled with pride at that, even though I was <em>this</em> close to shooting my load.

 

Then Hermione took me down her throat and swallowed around my cock.  Shite.  And Parkinson continued to lick my balls.  Fuck.

 

I came so hard at the thought that their lips might have been touching then.

   


(TBC)

  


 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Author's notes: The one where Ron gets even luckier.  


* * *

<em>Holy fuck</em>  

  
Yup.  That’s all I was able to say after that blow job.  I remember shivering ridiculously after coming, well, because Hermione had crawled up to my chest and had begun playing with my nipples, and Parkinson wouldn’t leave my cock alone.

 

“Weasley, now I understand why you acted like a complete knob at Hogwarts,” the bint said while stroking my still-hard prick.  “<em>This</em>  is something to be proud of.”

 

Hogwarts?  That’s the name of the school we all came from.  Yeah, it’s a pretty weird name.  It’s right up Scotland, I think.  It takes a long time to get there.  We usually went by train but there was one time Harry and I went by flying car and it was awesome.

 

Flying car.  Come again?  No, I’m not yet drunk!  Yes I can bloody well hold my liquor. You’re talking to a Weasley here!  Let’s just get back to the story okay?

 

“I bet you were scared shitless the first time you saw it, eh, Granger?” Parkinson continued talking and stroking, but had lifted her head to look at me and Hermione.  I sneered at her.  My wife just giggled and burrowed her face into the crook of my neck.

 

Well, in fairness to Parkinson, Hermione <em>was</em> kind of scared the first time she saw it.  She kept asking me if it was normal, if boys really looked like that. I told her, well from what I’ve seen from five brothers and four roommates, pricks are pretty much like mine only a bit smaller.  Hah.  Except Neville’s of course, but that’s just insane, Neville’s <em>equipment</em> _._   Hermione didn’t want to believe me about that thing with Neville, but then I told her we should stop talking about Neville and get on with the—yeah, yeah, I’ll get to it.  Git.

 

So Parkinson, the one with the smirk plastered on her face for all time.

 

“Did you pull out a ruler and ask to measure it?” She stuck out her tongue and lapped at the precome leaking out from my slit.  I groaned.  That stud caused a sensation like no other I wondered if Hermione would like it if I got her one for her birthday. “Were you scared it wouldn’t fit?”

 

“Pansy,” Hermione mumbled, her face still near my neck. “Shut up for a moment. I suggest you save your energy.”

 

To me, my wife whispered.  “Love you, darling.  Play along with me, all right?”

 

I could only whimper my agreement because, well, Hermione was planning something and that turned me on like nobody’s business.  Plus, Parkinson had put half of my cock in her dirty mouth.

 

“I’m to call the shots right, Parkinson?”  Hermione cocked an eyebrow at the girl sucking my prick.

 

Parkinson released my cock with a pop and looked at my wife expectantly.  I groaned. “Get back to what you were doing, woman!”

 

“Ron, shut up.  I promise you’ll like this.”

 

So I shut up and closed my eyes.  My wife and I, we’ve been friends for ages and I’ve learned to trust her.  It wasn’t easy at first.  She’s a right swot, after all, and what do swots know about life?  But she’s really brilliant, Hermione, so I mostly do what she tells me to.

 

“Pansy, come over and straddle my husband,” she said as she grasped my cock in her hand.  I gulped, because even if I’m not the brightest bulb in the store I had an idea of what was coming next.

 

“Just like this, Granger?” Parkinson asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.  My eyes were still closed but I felt the bed shift under me. “Should I arrange my legs just so?  One on either side of your very fit husband?”

 

“Yes. Just like that—wait inch up a bit.  There.”  I heard the satisfaction in my wife’s voice.  Hermione gripped my cock a bit harder, wrenching a groan out of my throat.  “Ronald, I need you to open your eyes.”

 

And so I did.  The sight that greeted me was bizarrely arousing.  Here was another woman—not just any other but Malfoy’s ex-girlfriend—

 

Yes, Malfoy <em>Malfoy</em>, Harry’s boyfriend.  Yes, they’re poofs.  But yeah, Parkinson and Malfoy dated briefly when we were in school.  No, I don’t know when Harry bloody first realized he’s a shirtlifter, d’you want to wake’m up and ask him?  Are you sure you want to really here what happened during my birthday?  You keep asking about all the silly stuff that don’t matter.  Yeah right you just want to get your facts straight.

 

So, it was Parkinson, and although she’s right fit, those knockers are to die for, she’s still the Ferret’s lackey and it’s hard to erase years of dislike. Yeah, even if she has a tongue stud and gives spectacular blowjobs.

 

But all of those reservations?  They went flying out of my mind the moment she slid onto my cock.

 

“Bloody buggering hell!”

 

That was me.  I don’t know just when my wife had released my cock and signaled Parkinson to go ride, but when the bint did oh did I see stars.  She was hot and wet, just like cunts are supposed to be, not as tight as my Hermione, but boy could she grind.  My breathing hitched from sheer pleasure.

 

“Oh fuck, Parkinson, just like that.”

 

“Shut your trap, Weasley, and help out with your hips!”  Why do bossy bints turn me on?

 

“You know, Ronald,” that was my wife, sweet darling woman who thought of all of this, Merlin do I love her, “you’re mouth is really filthy.  Maybe you need a bit of punishment?”

 

“Fuck, yeah.”

 

“But maybe we could do that next time.  For now, just watch.”

  
Watch what, I was going to ask, but then Hermione bent a bit and suckled one of Parkinson’s tits in her mouth.  Sweet Mother of—

 

“Oh, fuck Granger, do that again.” Parkinson went crazy riding my cock. 

 

Hold on, let me just… there.  That’s better—no I did not just grope myself in front of you!  Don’t tell me you’re not getting hard listening to this story! Maybe you’re the poofter!

 

Okay, let’s not fight anymore, yeah?  Let’s get on to the really good part.  Uhuh.  It gets even better.

 

So Parkinson was riding me like her life depended on it, and Hermione was sucking and fondling her tits, and frankly, between the feeling of being ridden like that and the sight of my wife enjoying another woman’s breasts, I was ready and willing to shoot my load any moment then.  But of course my brilliant wife had other ideas.

 

“Ron, please don’t come yet.”

 

So I nodded my head.  And that’s when Hermione lifted her leg and straddled my face.

 

“You know what to do.  I’m so very close Ron, please help.”

 

“Shit Granger, you kinky bugger,” that was Parkinson.  But whatever she was going to say was muffled by my randy wife’s kiss.

 (TBC) 


	4. Chapter 4

 

No. I really don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this great wife. She’s fucking perfect, you know? Gorgeous and bossy and smart as hell. It’s a right bloody miracle she married me! You know she used to date Viktor Krum? But she chose me over him!  
  
  
Viktor Krum! Even Percy knows who he is… Viktor Krum of the—yeah hey, I remember! You’re a Muggle! You don’t know good ol’ Vicky. Him? Oh, just nobody important. But why would I say—forget what I said about Viktor Krum!  
  
  
So there I was lying boneless on the bed beside my gorgeous wife, thinking not for the first time that I was finally, finally ready to die. I hauled my wife in for a kiss, feeling bloody brilliant that I was snogging her while Parkinson was slumped on top of me, my cock still inside her. Who gets to live out these kinds of fantasies? Only Ronald Bilius Weasley, that’s for sure!  
  
  
I felt like a fucking king.  
  
  
So of course Parkinson, who shifted a bit so that I slipped out of her, had to spoil the whole mood of things.  
  
  
“Weasley. I’ve got to hand it to you, that was brilliant.” She said that as if it were the surprise of her life, that bint!  
  
  
“Of course I was brilliant! What the bloody, effing hell were you expecting?”  
  
  
“I was actually—”  
  
  
“Pansy, shush now. Ron, shut up. Your mouth is truly filthy!”  
  
  
“Well, given where it’s been, I’d expect it to be less than sparkl—ouch! Woman! What the hell was that for?”  
  
  
Hermione had bitten my nipple savagely! For the love of Merlin, it hurt!  
  
  
“Hermione! You’re not supposed to bite it that hard! Haven’t I told you? You only nibble!” Parkinson laughed at us then, and if my nipple weren’t aching like hell I would have shut her up.  
  
  
“Ronald, please watch your language. Yes, Pansy and I are naked and in bed with you, but I don’t think that makes either of us any less of a lady.”  
  
  
Yes! She said that! And I positively lost it! I sat up, dislodging Parkinson from atop me, and guffawed at my wife’s proclamation! I honestly don’t know where she gets those ideas! 

  
  
Anyway, I was laughing at her and trying to tickle her while at it, and she was swatting me away with my hands when Parkinson cleared her throat.  
  
  
“Excuse me,” she said, trying to catch our attention. “We should get on with the program, I think.”  
  
  
Yeah. I didn’t know there was a program, either.  
  
  
Parkinson said my wife should get on all fours, and I should fuck her from behind. Good enough for me. I love seeing my wife in that position. Not that I want to degrade her because that’s what Hermione accused me of the first time I suggested this position. But Merlin do I love the shape of her bum, and the way her tits point downward in this position. I also love going down on her when she’s like this, yeah? She can’t help but grind herself into my face and writhe sexily. But when I told Parkinson that, she said she had other ideas.  
  
  
“Not this time, Weasley. You’re hard again, it’s fucking unbelievable, so you should fuck her.”  
  
  
And who was I to complain? That was a grand plan, too! So I positioned myself behind Hermione and entered her slowly. Fucking hell I love that woman’s cunt.  
  
  
“Oh!” Hermione always makes a small sound like that whenever I ease into her. I asked her about it once and she said she couldn’t explain it. I teased her for ages for finally admitting there was something she couldn’t explain. She withheld sex for three days.  
  
  
I began to fuck my wife earnestly. Frankly, I love this position. I know that’s such a man thing for me to say, but it’s true. When you’re having sex this way, you get access to a lot more of your woman. You can stroke her back, nibble at her nape, tug at her hair, Hermione likes that. You can play with her nipples, hold her hand if you’re feeling extra sappy, you can bend forward and whisper dirty things in her ear—Hermione loves that—and you can easily reach around your woman’s waist and rub at her clit. She’ll go wild, I tell you.  
  
  
And there she was, my Hermione going wild because I was whispering filthy things in her ear—I think she likes it if I talk dirty with only her hearing because she doesn’t scold me then—when I felt fingers parting my arse cheeks. Holy hell, I’d forgotten about Parkinson!  
  
  
“What the fuck are you doing Parkinson?”  
  
  
“Weasley, just about the filthiest thing I’ve ever done.” And then she licked my arse.  
  
  
“Oh.”  
  
  
“If I hear an arselicker joke pass through your mouth I will stop.”  
  
  
“Ron, don’t stop!” I honestly didn’t know I had stopped pumping into Hermione. I guess I was just shocked that Parkinson had licked my arse!  
  
  
What the fuck? Stuck-up, pug-nosed, knockers-to-die-for Parkinson had just licked my arse!  
  
  
Mate, it was good. So good, I think I cried. There was a warm and wet thing wriggling right there. The feeling sent jolts of sensation straight to my cock and bollocks.  
  
  
“Oh bloody hell Parkinson, do that again!” I looked over my shoulder to see Parkinson hunched, face in my buried in the vicinity of my bottom.  
  
  
“This?” And then she wriggled her tongue into my arse. Shite! I swear that bint was laughing.  
  
  
“Pansy, I think he likes it!” Hermione whimpered. I whimpered as well when Parkinson exposed my arse even more and sucked and nipped at my hole. I bent over to whisper to my wife.  
  
  
“Was this your idea, too? Fucking hell, Hermione, what other filthy things are brewing in your head?” My words were only for her, as I continued pushing in and out. “Are you thinking about doing this again on your birthday? Perhaps two blokes? Me fucking your cunt and you going down on him? Or maybe you want to take one of us up the arse?”  
  
  
“Fuck, Ron!” I could feel she was close, and frankly, I couldn’t wait for her to come because I was about to explode myself. By then I was just blindly pumping into her and pulling out to get my arse to take in more of Parkinson’s warm, wriggling tongue. It was filthy and I loved it and it made thoughts of rhythm and pleasing Hermione almost fly out of my mind.  
  
  
Almost.  
  
  
I reached around to rub at her clit. It was cheating, but I needed to do it at that stage of the game.  
  
  
“Holy mother of Merlin! Ron!”  
  
  
When I felt Hermione clench around my cock, at the same time Parkinson pushed her whole tongue into my arse, that filthy bitch. I just exploded and let go. I don’t remember much after that because I blacked out.  
  
  
Blimey.  
  
  
\--  
  
I woke up to Hermione snuggling into me and nipping at my neck. Goodness, the woman is incorrigible!  
  
  
“Again, Hermione? You’re hopeless!”  
  
  
She tugged mercilessly at my nipple.  
  
  
“Ow! Leave my nipples out of this!”  
  
  
She chuckled. “Did you like your present?”  
  
  
“Do you even have to ask? Where’s Parkinson, by the way?”  
  
  
“She had to go and freshen up. She’s on duty in about an hour.”  
  
  
Yes, this was the time I asked her how she got that spectacular idea into her mind. I also had another, perfectly mind-boggling question to ask her.  
  
  
“How did you even think of this? I’m not complaining at all, but blimey! It’s way twisted!”  
  
  
“Always the tone of surprise.  It’s actually not a secret that most males would want to go to bed with two women. Really. I’m a bit miffed that you’re taking my intelligence for granted.”  
  
  
I wasn’t taking her for granted at all, so I tugged her closer to my side and encircled her with my arms. I had one more question for her, though.  
  
  
“But Parkinson? How did you even ask her? I’m really not complaining, Hermione. But why the hell did she agree?”

  
“She likes things in sets.” Could my wife get even more cryptic?  
  
  
“Come again?”  
  
  
“Ron. Honestly. Promise not to get violent if I tell you?”  
  
  
“Promise.”  
  
  
“You were the last Weasley she hasn’t shagged. And she knew she’d never get to you without me consenting and somewhere in the vicinity.”  
  
  
That woke me up. I sat up and faced my wife.  
  
  
“What!? Hold on. What? Mum and Dad?”  
  
  
“Don’t be silly, Ronald, of course not. I meant your siblings.”  
  
  
And then Hermione told me the details, though I really didn’t ask for them, I was too shell-shocked. Parkinson has an on and off thing with Percy at the Ministry. Parkinson had a one time thing with Bill but I shouldn’t tell because Fleur didn’t know. Parkinson does things with Charlie whenever he flies home from Romania.  
  
  
Parkinson’s first taste of Weasley manhood was double, the twins, back at Hogwarts in fifth year.  
  
  
I didn’t really want to know that about Ginny. But of course, my wife told me. Quidditch showers. Right.  
  
  
\--  
  
  
So there's the story! Got to go home to my lovely wife now, who knows, she might have another surprise! It’s only the day after my birthday, after all. But first, I have to go get Harry’s arse off to Malfoy’s now. Oh bloody hell, they probably rim each other on a regular basis! Ew.  
  
  
Yeah, it's a true story, the one I just told you. You have fun, mate? I know I did, yeah, even if I did get too much information on my brothers’ and sister’s sex life. With Parkinson. Yeah, goodness, if all hand-me-downs were liker her!   
  
  
Hah. I bet you’re gonna wank off now.  I don’t blame you mate, not at all. 

 

 

Fin 


End file.
